I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So much rum. So many feels.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ok first of all what the fuck
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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