the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
