We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
