Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
