Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
