So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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