I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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