omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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