she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
