is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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