I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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