if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
