My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
