Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
