after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
