last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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