Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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