I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
