I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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