i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
