did you get engaged???
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
