I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
