Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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