I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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