I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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