So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
