he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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