spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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