Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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