Me too!
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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