I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
