It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
