her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
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You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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