The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
