I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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