...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The Olympian is in my bed
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
