no, he came in my armpit
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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