Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
