he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
