Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
