Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
