these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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