That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
That accounts for only three of the penises
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
