I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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