I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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