...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
