Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
