I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
