is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
