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• (631): View more from New York

  Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?

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• (360): View more from Washington

  I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.

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• (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

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• (917): View more from New York City

  i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

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• (585): View more from New York

  I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's amazing

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I've peed outside too many times in just this past week

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.

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• (408): View more from California

  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT

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