I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.