Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.