i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment