Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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