the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night