I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more