I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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