If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Small penises have feelings too.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
