Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
