Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
