i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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