2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
