3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
