I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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