so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
