He uses pillows to masturbate.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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