they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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