She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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