Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
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this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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