I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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