hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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