that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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