She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
